What to Do After a Relapse

If you've had a drink after a period of sobriety, you might be feeling a lot right now: shame, fear, anger at yourself, or a heavy sense that you've thrown everything away. You might be tempted to keep drinking, since the streak is already broken.

Please don't. A relapse is painful, but it's also common, and many people with long, steady sobriety today had one or more relapses along the way. What matters most is what you do next.

The First 24 Hours

You don't need a perfect plan. You need a few simple actions, today.

1. Stop drinking, if it's safe to. Pour out what's in the house. If you've been drinking for days, see the warning above and get medical advice first.
2. Tell someone. Call your sponsor, a friend in recovery, or anyone you trust. This is the hardest step and the most important. Secrets make relapses longer.
3. Go to a meeting. Today if you can, in person or online. You're welcome there. Nobody will lecture you.
4. Take care of your body. Drink water, eat something, and rest. Hangovers and low blood sugar make cravings and despair worse.
5. Get through tonight. Just tonight. Tomorrow you can think about the bigger picture.

A Relapse Is Not the End

Medical experts consider addiction a chronic condition, and relapse rates are similar to those for other chronic illnesses like high blood pressure or asthma, where people also slip on their treatment plans. That doesn't make a relapse okay, and it doesn't mean it was harmless. But it does mean that relapse isn't proof you can't recover.

What you learned in sobriety hasn't disappeared. You still know how meetings work, who to call, what the Steps are, and what it felt like to wake up clear. Many people find that getting back is faster than getting sober the first time, as long as they come back quickly and honestly.

Dealing With the Shame

Shame is often the biggest obstacle to coming back. It tells you that people will be disappointed, that you're a fraud, that you should hide. Shame is also one of the most common reasons people keep drinking after a slip.

Here's what's usually true instead: the people in your meeting will be glad to see you. Many of them have been exactly where you are. Raising your hand and picking up a new 24-hour chip takes real courage, and people in the room know it.

It helps to separate guilt from shame. Guilt says, "I did something I regret." Shame says, "I am worthless." Guilt can motivate change. Shame keeps you stuck. You can take your relapse seriously without deciding you're a hopeless case.

Figuring Out What Happened

Once you're steady, usually after a few days, it's worth looking honestly at what led up to the drink. Most relapses start well before the first drink. Common warning signs include:

• Going to fewer meetings, or stopping entirely
• Losing touch with your sponsor and sober friends
• Holding on to a resentment and replaying it
• Getting overtired, overworked, or overwhelmed
• Thinking you can handle "just one," or romanticizing past drinking
• Keeping secrets, even small ones
• Stopping Step work or daily practices like prayer or a nightly review
• Spending time in old drinking places or with old drinking friends
• A big life event, good or bad, without extra support

Write down what you notice, then talk it through with your sponsor. The goal isn't to blame yourself. It's to find the gaps so you can close them.

Making a Plan Going Forward

Based on what you learned, build a plan that's a little stronger than before:

• Increase meetings for a while. Many people go back to daily meetings for 30 or 90 days. See our guide to the first 90 days sober.
• Get honest with your sponsor, or find one if you didn't have one. Our guide to finding a sponsor can help.
• Return to the Steps. Many people find something they skipped or rushed. Step One often looks different after a relapse.
• Deal with resentment. It's one of the most common relapse triggers. See resentment and emotional sobriety.
• Talk to a doctor about medications that reduce cravings, and about any depression or anxiety that may be driving the drinking.
• Plan for high-risk situations before they come up, like holidays, celebrations, or hard anniversaries.
• Make daily practices non-negotiable. A short morning and evening routine keeps you connected even on busy days.

If This Keeps Happening

If you've relapsed several times, it may be a sign that you need more support than you've had so far. That isn't a failure. It's information. Options include outpatient or residential treatment, working with an addiction counselor or therapist, medical treatment for cravings, or addressing mental health conditions alongside recovery. The SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-4357 can point you to treatment options near you, free and confidentially.

Many people who now have decades of sobriety went through a stretch of repeated relapses before something finally took. Keep coming back.

If Someone You Love Relapsed

Watching someone you love relapse is painful and frightening. Anger is understandable. It usually helps to be honest about how it affects you while avoiding shaming them, since shame tends to drive more drinking. Encourage them to reach out to their sponsor or meeting, set clear boundaries for yourself, and get support of your own, such as through Al-Anon.

Common Questions